A Quarter Century~

Quarter of a Century old today. Its a strange mix of emotion as always; that same cocktail of mixed excitement, proud significance, and a little sobering tinge of worry about the future. About the years that have already gone by.




I slept in today, for the first time in a long time. My birthday came last night with a storm front. One of the largest most beautiful thunderstorms I have seen in years- it poured rain, the night lit up as day, and some 25 years ago, I was foaled into this world, to stand there, 25 years later mostly bare, as the rain and thunder rampaged around me. It felt wonderful; and I stayed up late listening to the rain fall, feeling it in my hair and over my hide. And still, I thought "Where will I go from here?"



Despite having been up really late, I woke up well rested, and fairly early in the day. Despite having a rough hundred papers to grade and enter into the system before tomorrow, I felt rather relaxed- and the day remained that way, thankfully. I was visited by friends, and those who couldn't visit me offered calls, and I even had breakfast made for me, a rare treat indeed. n_n~



In these 25 years, I've had the chance to meet some amazing individuals. I don't know how I've been so fortunate to get close to these people who I can say that I love. They have inspired me in ways that they do not even know. I consider myself of the most fortunate alive; everyone should have friends and loved ones like the ones I know.



Friends- Come from near and far. Irreplaceable.




I really don't know what to say. I don't have anything witty, or very thoughtful, or emotional to write. I'm alive, its been 25 years. Friends have saved my life on several occasions, and often become much, much more than the word 'friends' could ever do them justice.

I guess, its love.

Here's to the rest of my life~

Passion

If you come down to the pasture today, you can find me engaging in my favorite past-time; work on my halters! :'}


Awkward as it might seem, thats MY head i'm working with...


A rare sighting! Humes! And good looking ones too! They came by to chat while I worked, it was good fun~


Had another visitor while working on the charm halter!



I was fortunate enough to receive a ride from the majestic unicorn; here we are roaming some ruins on the outskirts of the pasture; It is one of my favorite spots to sit and think.


Willow at Dusk


Mmm~ Haaaaair~ *wuffle-nomnoms*



Another stop on my trek with the white unicorn~


A piece of Serenity


Friends

Days to Come

To my future self:




Today I received official word that I had passed my high-stakes teacher assessment. These last six years have been an incredible growth experience for me; moving from filly into being a mare. After receiving my results, I stepped outside and took a deep breath, and loved the world around me. "Almost free." I thought to myself as shadows of clouds wafted lazily by; the more nervous skittering shadows of the leaves from trees dashing in between the lofty giants above.



I find it troubling that I cannot describe the last six years easily; but as I thought about it I realized its not so troubling as it has been humbling. I always rolled my eyes when I was sixteen, overhearing people say that "It gets harder, this is just a phase, you don't understand, you don't appreciate". I've always been a humble soul, with spats of selfish egotism here and there; but I did think I was wise and learned at such a young age. I thought I was wise because I accepted that I was young; but I never thought my ideas on love, life, and identity would change.




I suppose, nine years later, I can easily say that I have grown more in my last six than I had in my first sixteen. My, how life does change you; or leave you broken.



All the pretty ponies

I suppose, the point, is that while hard, I have discovered a lot about myself, and life. I have discovered that the six years I spent in college to become a teacher, ultimately taught me that I did not want to be a teacher in the traditional sense. I love teaching, but I don't enjoy being told how, or what to teach, to students who don't want to be there.



Dark Chocolate Unicorn; my favorite flavor~

And while, I could carry on a discourse a thousand pages long about making school a place for all students, I will not go there. It doesn't matter where our foals, or students, are at; they are always learning. In the thick of teaching, when I had students whose parents had been murdered, or committed suicide, and students who had been raped, and those whom were pregnant, I came to realize once again, in a very "how could I have forgotten" manner; high school is not about academics.



Sailing, my secret passion.

High school is about the four friends that you thought you would see Monday, but died Sunday night, hit by a drunk driver. Instead of that F in geometry, you find your hours filled with picking out a black dress, wondering why your attending a funeral, instead of class.


The place where you realize just how big, and just how small, you really are: the ocean.

Its about love as well; all of that deep smoldering pain that loneliness burns in you; that you think you wont be able to stand for another day without someone to hold. Surprisingly to me, the love that saved my life did not come from the person I would marry; it came from my friends.


Clifton- Orcahorse's first adopted equine.

There is no room in high school for academics; there is hardly room to survive. Perhaps, that has been the same about college; just I was more prepared to deal with the loss and hardship I would endure.



Its when I realized all of this that I realized I did not want to be a teacher. I want to be a friend; to save lives in the ways that I can. To teach the values I live for by simply living them. That is my idea of education.

Look-Alike!

Just enjoying the evenings and old friends when I met a new face :3 A friend of Hoofn is a friend of mine!



Different hair styles, but practically twins~!



Wonder if our Dams knew each other? XD

Hope

Its a funny thing. Sometimes I am so full of it, and sometimes, I feel so bereft of it. I have not had a particularly hard life, but I have seen my share of death and regret, unhappiness and pain. When we're young, we learn to cope with those feelings in different ways; sometimes its not so much a battle to cope as it is to survive. I think, by the time we have found our mid twenties we forget how life and death our childhood really is.



Some of my most powerful, special memories are my saddest. I keep them closest to my heart, I suppose as a type of armor, a way to protect myself from when times are the most desperate; the most hopeless. I'm not sure if it developed over time, or if it had always been this way; but I did eventually learn to find the beauty in such sad emotion. The only way to really feel so sad was to have had experienced equatable amounts of happiness. In this way, each happy and sad event stretched my emotional boundaries- and that is beautiful, that I could experience such powerful emotion.



At night those old childhood feelings of loneliness and depression often come back to me; perhaps it is an 'emotional memory' my body has adjusted to over the years. Like a pattern, or habit it has fallen into. A discussion with a friend while gazing out at the sea in front of me reminded me of the importance of both loss, and gain. Of sorrow and happiness, and how necessary, and even beautiful, they both are. Like dancers, they compliment each other, and cannot be understood or truly appreciated without both of them present.

Hope. Times are hard for me, but times are beautiful too. I will look back on this, and forever know that I survived it.

Chasing Butterflies

Spent a little of the day sitting in the field, relaxing enjoying the last of spring break with some butterfly watching. Missing my herd, but always surprised at the numbers of visitors that come through the field. It really seems that this sanctuary for our herd is becoming a favorite of many, I look forward to cultivating it and helping it grow.

Enjoying the grass, watching some butterflies

Some more butterflies:


Enjoying the shade of my new favorite tree; gazing out over the ocean.



Watching the sun set with Okami Brokken, talking about things that equines do. Like "Mmm, grass. Nom nom!"



Also met a cute colt today! Colts invoke the 'must pet' feature in me; and are often subjected to dangerous levels of unconditional love. This colt was lucky, and got away before I could get my hooves on him!



Night finally falls on Equus Pasture. The beautiful home of the Orcahorse herd. I feel a powerful, almost strange sense of belonging, purpose, and love when I am with them; they inspire me to work hard, and spread such wonderful experiences/blessings with those in SL who might otherwise never experience them. My life has taken a lot of unexpected turns this last six months. A career change, personal and professional growth, and a lot of understanding about what I love doing, and want to do for the rest of my life. I've met and grown close with some amazing people; I really look forward to the future.



It comes only a day at a time, but thats good, because it gives me time to savor every minute as it comes and goes. Here's to a bright future at the Orcahorse Equus Pasture!

Home Is Where The Heart(h) is?

At home in the Equus Pasture, just getting ready to sleep for the night. Tomorrow, more projects and company to come. I'm especially fond of the picture of Celenna in the red frame, I think it came out gorgeous!

Love our home, looking forward to adding something else to it soon. More pics to come~